The worst Craig's List ad ever

You know I love Craig's List but I've ranted before about the scammers and the schemers and the just plain clueless who post in the writer's jobs and gigs sections. This ad was posted today and I can't decide if it's meant to be a joke or what. I particularly like the location--Santa MANICA.  Yeah, this is an ad I'm going to rush to answer.

BOOOKs, MUNUSCRIPTZ,a nd scipts wasnted (Santa mainica)

Can you tell your story in one sentese. Comitted riters wanted for I can sell yur book. Mustr be willing to do what it takes. I have deals with big companiesaz and know people in Hollywood. I ca make it happen. send yor infro and lets make a sail,

• Location: Santa mainica
• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
• Compensation: $5,000 to $1,000,00.00 depenz on quallitee of righting.

What Craig's List posters really think of writers

You never know what you're going to find when you click around CL. I've found jobs that were both lucrative and satisfying, like the gig I landed curating biographies for a new website. I've found jobs that were fun but didn't pay much at all. I've been stiffed by clients I found there--and in one case, I'm still pursuing the scofflaw--and I've been offered ongoing work by others. I love Craig'sList.
But every once in a while, there's a listing that gives me pause. Today, under "Writing and Editing," I found this listing headlined "House Cleaning."

House cleaning service offers...we are two ladies very responsible and honest.... We've been working at cleaning services for 8 years...independent job, good references, free estimates.
-clean bathroom
-kitchen, cabinets
-vacuum, mop floors, change , wash and fold the sheets
- baseboards, windows, cob webs
-dust, organize
-summer projects
-extra services can be charged.
Every day, every week, every other week, once in a month.... It's up to you:) 

Sigh.  It's hard enough explaining my choice to remain a freelancer in a dicey economy without seeing ads like this posted in the forum where I go to find paying writing work. Is the universe trying to tell me something?

Best Craig's List Ad ever!

I'd put the link here but it's going to be flagged any minute now. The ad read: Escort needs writer. So, sure, I clicked on it.  (I've edited a HILARIOUS book written by a porn film editor, I figured, this escort had a story to tell.) The ad was one line. "Need writer in return I service you." Yes, the poster was looking for someone who would work for sex.  There's a story there for sure. And you know, I want to know that story. But not enough to reply to the ad.  Because I've learned to trust that little voice that says "Don't go through that door."

If you're not the predator, you're the prey!

There are a lot of people who dream of selling a script for big money and seeing their work turned into a movie starring Ryan Gosling, Angelina Jolie or Seth Rogen. There are even more people who dream of exploiting these people, trashing their dreams by lying to them and misdirecting them and charging a lot of money for their services. I often cross paths with these predators and they make me angry. I also often cross paths with their victims and that makes me sad. Because people who trample on other people's dreams and take their money under false pretenses are scum.  This morning I ran into a writer on Craig's List who was looking for someone to format his script properly.He didn't know what he needed was someone with access to Final Draft software.  He'd been told " If it was in the correct script format for submitting to the "Writer's Guild he'd have a script that was a movie."
I don't know who this "reputable script advisor" (the writer's words) was, but I'd like to shake her until her teeth rattle.  the writer also admitted that he wasn't a professional writer in the ad, which raises even more warning flags for me. I breifly worked for a service that provided notes for would-be screenwriters and while I saw several promising scripts, I never saw one that simply needed re-formatting to "be a movie."
It's an insanely competitive business.  Being told all you need to do is reformat your work and you're good to go would be like an agent telling me all I need to do is change the margins on my novel manuscript and I'm on my way to a seven figure sale at Simon & Schuster. JUST. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.

Craig's List--Setting the bar high (not)

My recent experience with a celebrity chef who hasn't paid me notwithstanding, I remain in love with Craig's List as a source of gigs. I was, however, bemused by a listing today that included these requirements:  Must be able to read/write in English, have a keyboard and an internet connection.  Good thing I have a keyboard and I know how to use it.

Craig's List: The anthology

You know the great anthology Discount Noir, where all the stories take place in a big box store? I think you could put together a dandy noir anthology inspired by Craig's List. My favorite ad of the night, "I need someone to sex my ball python."  Yeah, I know what it means but if you're in just the right mood, a story suggests itself. Then there are the out and out creepy ads where someone wants to hire an assistant and is asking for a picture and wondering if they'd be interested in getting room and board as part of their compensation.  Craig's List the Anthology--you heard it here first.

Shouldn't Take More Than a Few Hours

I've been a full-time freelance writer for 20 years. In the last four years, I've found a lot of work on Craig's List. A lot of that work is grossly underpaid (there's a surprise) but even the gigs that pay decently often have unrealistic expectations attached.
Mostly those expectations have to do with time-frame. Either the client (who has been sitting on the idea for, oh, a decade or so) wants something done by the weekend; or the client grossly underestimates the amount of time a project will take.
"Should take no more than a few hours" is a phrase that's popping up more and more.
Today it came up in an ad for writing 50 "job descriptions" complete with photos that had to be sourced. Seriously? Even if these job descriptions only take three minutes apiece, that's 150 minutes.
I think the problem is that secretly, most people think they could write if only they had the time. No one ever says, "I could do that heart transplant if I had a couple of extra hours," but people always say, "I'm a pretty good writer."
My feeling? If you can write it yourself, do so. But if you can't, don't devalue my work by telling me it's something I can just toss off.

Why Some People Hate Craig's List

I have written of my love for Craig's List ads before. I've had good luck finding really interesting jobs through CL, including my current gig as fictionista at NoHo Noir. It's gotten to the point where major, national media outlets advertise there for writers, and most of the jobs I've seen listed are legit. Even the people who post jobs that pay very little are mostly apologetic. And as for the freebie jobs, a writer can choose to submit or not and there's no need to be a hater about it. I've certainly been happy to have my work displayed on sites that didn't pay.

And then there are jobs like this one:

Need a collaborator/ghost-writer to help write a science fiction novel. I have already published one non-fiction book. I need someone who is educated in creative story writing and creating memorable characters. There is no immediate compensation, but if you are willing to invest together, in a short time, our collaboration can achieve something very powerful and beyond a single imagination. Once the novel is created, you will receive 25% profit share. I have eventual plans of bringing the story to the screen. If you are interested, please send a photograph of yourself along with fiction writing samples or a resume with contact information.

Where to begin? With the poster's assurance that "in a short time, our collaboration can achieve somthing very powerful?" Okay, the poster has ambition. I'm for that. Go big or go home. Is it the writer's boast that he has "eventual plans of bringing the story to the screen?" Well, don't we all? Unless he means he's going to fork over the production budget for that movie, though, the boast is pretty meaningless.

Is it the offer to pay the person creating memorable characters and the creative story (that yould be you, not the person writing the ad) 25 percent of the profits? True, writers often tend to know more about words than numbers but half of a project is 50 percent not 25 percent.

And finally--send a picture. Really? Seriously? Are you kidding me?

Well, good luck with that.

All Due Respect...Check it out

I am the Queen of Craig's List. Since 2007 when I realized the impending Writer's Guild strike was going to impact my income, I've been cruising the writing/editing listings on a daily (sometimes more frequent) basis. (Last year half my income came from jobs sourced on CL. Which amazes me.) Even when I don't have time to keep up with all the blogs I monitor, I'm on CL day in and day out. It's a lot like panning for gold. You have to sift through a lot of dross but sometimes you hit paydirt.

Yesterday there was a call for submissions from All Due Respect, where David Cranmer's story, "The Great Whydini" is up. All Due Respect (ADR) is looking for "old-fashioned pulp crime fiction" and their submission guidelines say it best: We are interested in crime fiction. That means fiction about crime. Not solving crime. Not bemoaning crime. Fiction about people who are criminals and maybe a little bit about why they are criminals, so long as you don't go Dr. Phil on it.

In this case, crime doesn't pay. They apologize for that. But ADR looks like a handsome showcase for a good story about bad people.