You sir, are a whoreson zed! Shakespeare's insults

I am bored with the F-word. I have heard it used too many times in too many dreary ways for it to have any power any longer. And when it is used as part of an insult, the person hurling the invective often descends into word salad, sputtering the expletive over and over without a hint of art or grace.
I admire someone who can curse with conviction and originality. (The movie Sexy Beast offers a very good example of fluent cursing.)
Shakespeare's curses are marvelous things, layered and nuanced and pointed as a dagger.  Take "whoreson zed' for example. "Whoreson" has the advantage of combining the notion of bastardy with the ever-popular "son of a bitch." Then add "zed" and the insult takes on an extra gloss of intelligence--especially for Americans, since we don't use the word and it sounds exotic.
It certainly sounds more insulting than calling someone a douche-bag.
I'm not the only one who thinks we need a better caliber of swear. Check out a couple of offerings available on YouTube.
Here's a woman named Simone Haruko sharing her 50 favorite Shakespearean insults (including "Thou whoreson zed."
Here's TedEd's deconstruction of a couple of Shakespeare's famous insults in a way that makes you want to now more.

Paris in the Summer

So, you're not going to be able to travel to Paris this summer? Paris-live.comhttp://www.paris-live.com/ has you covered. You can log into web cam views all over the city, including neighborhoods, shops, traffic cameras, and cafes.  There's not one but six cameras outside the Eiffel Tower.  Which makes me wonder if there's not a Luc Besson movie in the making here.  Bored Francophile streaming video sees a murder.  No one reports it. He tries to do the right thing but it only brings trouble to his door in the shape of a beautiful Frenchwoman. And well, what lonely nerd can't use a little dangerous in his life.  Action-jinks ensue.

A Tale of Three Richards

Portrait of Richard III by Mark Satchwill

One of the pleasures of seeing multiple productions of a play is being able to compare and contrast the way each actor plays a role and makes it his or her own. I recently saw both versions of the filmed production of Danny Boyle's Frankenstein, starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller. The two men switched off in the roles and although I think Cumberbatch is a terrific actor, I thought Miller was better in both parts. (I thought Cumberbatch was way too remote as Dr. Frankenstein, and a little too "Sherlockian." And his physicality worked against him as the creature whereas Miller's stockier, shorter form suited the "base creaure" more solidly.)
Richard the III is one of the best villains Shakespeare (or anyone else) ever imagined, a real-life player in the Game of Thrones who murdered and manipulated his way to the crown, only to lose it just two  years later. He was only 33 when he died, but like another historical figure who died at 33, his legacy lives on.
Richard III was a hunchback and it's intriguing to see how some actors exploit that physical trait and others don't. Here's Laurence Olivier in the play's most famous scene--the wooing of Lady Anne, the widow of a man Richard III has had murdered. That's Claire Bloom as Lady Anne. (More about her later in the summer. And what's up with that headdress she's wearing? It looks like it came from a low-budget high school production.)
The 1955 Olivier Richard III is available on YouTube in 15 parts if you have the patience to watch it a bit at a time. (Pretend you're watching it old school on a weekend television movie marathon with a zillion commercials.)

You say "poe-tay-toe." I say "poe-tah-toe"

The first time I ever saw the word "Zounds," I thought it was a fine word. I was little and fond of words that started with Z, or with X because they often sounded like they started with Z (Xerox, Xenophobe). I had learned to read using phonics, so I was all about sounding words out. And so I thought that zounds was pronounced like "sounds" only with a Z.
I thought that for a very long time because the only way you realize you're mispronouncing a word is by hearing it pronounced correctly and "zounds" wasn't exactly a word on everyone's lips in Washington DC in the last part of the 20th century.
Then I encountered the word in a Shakespeare play and discovered that it was not an expression of amazement (sort of like "Outstanding," or "Excellent") but an oath--a swear--that was an abbreviation for "God's wounds" and that it is properly pronounced "Zwounds," which comes out sounding something like "zoonds."  (In other words, it sounded something like one of those old Zima commercials where they substituted Z for all the S words in the ad.)
Turns out that "zounds" isn't the only word whose pronunciation has changed over the years. Father/son actors Ben and David Crystal have put together an entertaining video illustrating the difference in modern and original pronunciation (known as OP). You can find it here.

Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling are at it again!

In March of next year, Tor is releasing Queen Victoria's Book of Spells, an anthology of Gaslamp Fantasy. The book will contain stories by Tanith Lee, Jane Yolen, James P. Blaylock, Elizabeth Bear, Kathe Koje and more. I can't wait. Thanks to the Mad Hatter's Bookshelf & Book Review for a sneak peek at the cover.

Four Actors You Might Not Expect to See Playing Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves--In Kenneth Branagh's 1993 film of Much Ado About Nothing, Reeves plays Don John. Don John is the villain of the piece and Reeves was fine in the role (and looked mighty fine).  Here's a brief clip of him as Don John, about to spread vile rumor about a lady.
Joss Whedon's next movie, by the way, is a modernized adaptation of the same play, with Nathan Fillion playing Dogberry. (In the Branagh film, Michael Keaton played Dogberry.)
Another unlikely Shakespearan is comedian/actor Russell Brand, who appears as Stephano in the Julie Taymor-directed production of The Tempest, with Helen Mirren as "Prospera." Stephano is part of a comic subplot involving Caliban and Brand is featured in the trailer, doing justice to the language. You can watch it here. That's Djimon Hounsou as Caliban and Alan Cumming as Trinculo.
Molly Ringwald was an uncredited Cordelia (the good daughter) in Jean-Luc Godard's 1987 sci-fi, comedy-drama mashup of KingLear, which starred Woody Allen as "Mr. Alien" and a few other big names (Julie Delpy, also uncredited, and Stage Director Peter Sellars as "William Shakespeare Junior the Fifth," which gives you an idea of just what a strange movie this was). Here's a short clip showing Molly with Burgess Meredith, playing Don Learo, her father.Five years earlier, Molly played Miranda in John Cassavetes' modernized version of The Tempest.  (Raul Julia played Kalibanos). Here's a clip from the opening of the movie featuring Molly, John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands.
Bill Murray doesn't often get a chance to do drama but in 2000, he played Polonius in a modern-day retelling of Hamlet starring Ethan Hawke, Julia Stiles, and Liev Schrieber and Steve Zahn as Rosencrantz.  Set in modern-day New York, the movie preserved the language of the play and in this scene, Murray gives the famous "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" speech to Schrieber, who is playing his son Laertes. For me, Murray never seems natural--he never quite clicks into the conversational cadence--and the language sounds stilted. Schreiber, on the other hand, is spot on. Stiles would go on to star in a modern-day retelling of Othello (O, co-starring Mekhi Phifer.

Shakespeare Silliness: Lori Handeland's Shakespeare Undead

In the vein of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer, urban fantasy author Lori Handeland created the mash-up novel Shakespeare Undead. The title character is not the Will Shakespeare we've come to know and love but a vampire necromancer who has lived a number of places before ending up in 16th century London. She clearly had a good time with her Elizabethan-era zombies--the sequel, Zombie Island, was published last month. (A review is coming.) Handeland salts the books with lots of references to the plays (too many for one cranky reviewer on Amazon) and Shakespeare lovers who don't take themselves too seriously should have a great time with the book.
I love the cover.  I know the fangs are a little cheesy but if a book is about a vampire playwright...you need to go with the cheese.